Holding onto hope in the midst of the worst chronic pain episode of my life was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. That day for me was April 6, 2013. I have never experienced pain like this before. It enveloped my entire body. I could barely lift my leg; it felt like a 200lb weight was weighting it down. The slightest movement was almost unbearable. But, I continue my exercises and walking practice; tears often join me. All transferring was dreaded since it caused me even more pain.
Imagine with me a time when you endured the worst physical pain of your life, i.e. a broken bone. Your pain scale from 1-10 is off the charts! (Or you’ve grown so accustomed to your pain level being close to the top of the charts for so long, you now accept it as your “New Normal”.)
When you break a bone, you experienced temporary pain, right? When you went to your doctor, you believed he or she would take care of you by setting the bone back in place and casting it so it could heal and possibly get a prescription for pain meds to take during the healing process to feel more comfortable. Then, since you are temporarily, to some extent incapacitated for let’s say 6 weeks, you experience some down time in your hectic life. You hadn’t planned for this unforeseen event which has occurred. During this time you may feel discouraged because you are now limited with what you can do and need help with basic tasks you had no problem accomplishing before. You’re not 100% yet.
Six weeks pass and you return to your doctor for a follow-up visit, they x-ray the break to determine if the break has healed completely and properly. Once it has healed, the cast is removed, and the real work anxiously waits for you. Physical and/or Occupational therapy begins. The therapist(s) will show you and give you exercises best suited to aid in your improvement, but you have to be willing to do the work, only you can do.
I won’t sugar coat this in any way. I use to dread therapy with such ardor, but now I embrace it (sometimes not happily, mind you) as if they are long-lost friends. They are constant companions and make their daily absence known when I neglect them because of the physical pain. Physical Therapy hurts sometimes more than the initial circumstances which got me here in the first place. Many days I’ve been in so much physical pain that no one should have to endure. But, no matter what I don’t give up. That’s not an option I entertain anymore! There are some days I feel as though I’ve been in a knock down drag out boxing match with Mike Tyson. I know this is a bad reference, but I know you get my point.
To this day, I still want to see/feel instant results from my painful hard work, but I know that’s unrealistic. I’ve done therapy for basically my entire life; at one point I stopped altogether because I got sick and tired of it. In all honesty I wish I hadn’t now. I’ve learned the longer I put my daily therapy off, the harder it has been to regain lost ground. My therapists' were right, if you don’t use it, you’ll lose it! I now look at therapy as an adventure not a painful task, because now I understand the full extent to which it has and will positively benefit all aspects of my life. With my new pain meds on board, pain level down substantially and under control, I am ready to continue pressing on to make me as mobile as possible. I have had to force myself to keep moving even though I hurt 24/7. I can’t control my circumstances, but I have total control with how I deal with it!
I will experience physical pain for the rest of my life. But, with my strong faith in God, daily painful exercises, my pain meds, the support/encouragement of my family/friends, my staying positive & believing in myself I will get through this.
If God takes you to it, He’ll get you through it, but I know you have to participate. No sitting on the sidelines this time. That’s not an alternative! I have to give it you all; nothing else will do.
God’s with me every step of the way and He’ll give me the strength I need.
This song is one of my favorites and keeps me motivated.
Can’t Give Up Now, by Mary Mary
